Friday, September 26, 2008

Mice don't like cheese

They like peanut butter. Just like me!

So there have been tiny black mouse poos in the under-sink cabinet since my roommate and I moved in, about three months ago. I bought the kind of trap where you don't have to see or touch the mouse, put a piece of cheddar in the space for bait, and waited. And waited. And cleaned up more mouse poo. Waited some more. Forgot all about it, until a few nights ago when I heard it scuttling around in the walls. I even heard it squeak once, I think. I told a friend that if I ever saw it, I would scream. "That will probably solve the problem," he retorted.

So I knew it was time to amp up the ammunition. I had read somewhere that mice sometimes prefer peanut butter to cheese. I also read that they can fit through spaces as small as 1/4 of an inch, but I prefer not to think about that (as I avert my eyes from the hole left by the previous tenants' coaxial cable... clocking in at about 1/3 of an inch). So as a test, I put a tiny blob of peanut butter on a paper towel in the cabinet last night. It was organic Whole Foods peanut butter, to be specific... clearly nothing but the best for my household pests. I like to spoil my vermin before I murder them. There's a life and/or relationship metaphor in there somewhere.

This morning, the peanut butter is completely gone, along with a hole chewed through the center of the paper towel. That's right, the little fucker even ate the greasy paper. In the hope that (s)he would come back for more, I replaced the (old, yet not at all smelly) cheese with another little bit of PB. Then I ate some myself with some popovers that I baked yesterday. It was delicious, and the irony was not lost on me.

Tonight, as I was pretending to watch the presidential debate but really just putzing around my apartment trying to shake off a funk, I check my trap. Success! In under 10 hours! Yet another reason to thank George Washington Carver in my nightly prayers. I double-plastic-bagged that guy and took him/her downstairs to the trash. Apparently, one can be an animal-loving vegetarian and still get immense satisfaction out of the murder and subsequent disposal of a mouse. In case you were wondering, I cleaned up the remaining poos and mopped the floor for good measure.

Kinda makes me want to go here to celebrate.

1 comment:

aaron/matt mobile said...

a nutritious snack and unfailing pest remover.

way to go with this t! i'm adding you to my reader, so ill know when youve updated. keep it going, and try to keep your rodent friends at bay.