Thursday, October 2, 2008

Faith in Humanity

What a great fucking night. Wow. I have to write about this because my roommate is in bed and it's 2am on a Thursday morning, I just got home from a play reading that blew my mind and new freinds and a fun bar and amazing connections and what a small fucking world this is. This isn't going to be a coherent post, not because I'm drunk (one red wine and one Blue Moon, tyvm) but because I'm so high on how amaing things can be if you just let them happen and don't think and just talk and act and speak your mind and laugh.

Two months ago I did an EPA for a 6-person Three Sisters that pays nothing and I totally thought I bombed the audition. Two days later I get an email from the guy I read with , who is in the production, saying I thought you were great and I went to ACT too. I was quite flattered and happy. Then a couple weeks ago, he emails me to ask if I'll be in this informal living-room reading of a new play his friend wrote. I said yes of course (my first NY gig! sort of!) and was super stoked. I read it and wasn't crazy about it but the funny part was that I play a Russian coked out stripper (it takes place in a strip club) which is about two baby steps away from Sasha, the last part I played in school last March. Pretty funny.

So I go to the reading and I'm no in the best mood, but I'm wearing my power boots and my favorite green sweater and my red lipstick (I tell you, it's a fucking miracle, this lipstick- makes me think about my mouth which makes me want to talk which makes me want to have opinions) and I feel immediately welcome and friendly and interesting when I get there. he lives i nthis sweet apartment near Columbia, which is pretty close to my apartment and is a really cool area that I want Raife and Alex to live in so we can hang out there. There are two other ACT grads there from earlier years, and everyone is nice and fun. We chat, we start to read, and turns out this play is actually really good, it just needed to be spoken and not readwith eyeballs. The other actors are, for the most part, amazing. Only two or three don't blow me away, out of 11. One was the babka lady from Seinfeld! I love my part, I think I nail it at times, and everyone sort of agrees. I get lts of kudos, NOT THAT THAT MATTERS but it sure as hell feels grat after not acting for 4 months. Just to jump in and play with people and make choices and do a dialect and, well, ACT.

After the reading's done we have this awesome discussion about the play, giving the writer feedback (she's totally cool, my age and a vegan who works at themost awesome vegan restaurant called Candle Cafe on the UES, you have to go there if you ever get the chance) and I was like the polar opposite of how I ever was in Michael Paller's class; I actually had thngs to say that mattered and helped, I hope, and that people either agreed with or disagreed with but who cares, I said them and they were valid and I am a smart artist who can SO FUCKING DO THIS and my faith in my own talent and humanity has bee restored, at least for this one night.

We disband but five of us go to a bar, including the guy who emailed me and the writer and another ACT guy, both from the 90's and we know so many people in common, and have the same work ethic and aesthetic and to make a rambling story a tiny bit shorter, these two guys are like immediate best friends. I feel completely comfortable and fun and interesting with them, which is so rare for me ESPECIALLY with new people. I feel so remarkable. And they're both a little older.35 and 40, but I think that's wonderful and wasn't at all awkward.

All I had to do was trust that I was interesting and funny and smart, and it came true! Since no one knew me before, I coudl be this bold girl and not worry about how it compared to how i was last time, or something. I know that's utterly retarded but it's true; i think it's a big step in my growth. ther is something to be said for saying, fuck it, i am who i want to be, not who you think ishould be, and it maybe was a life-changing sort of night for me in that regard. i doubt it will last much longer, and who knows if any professional connecions come of this, but if only for the sense of energy it put back into my life, i will eternally be grateful and thrilled and remember this as my first sort-of acting job in new york.

*Please excuse the utter lack of grammar, punctuation, or sentence construction in this post. I'm high on life, guys.

1 comment:

Meg said...

This post makes me so happy. I know life is complicated and the next minute you may not have felt this ecstatic about life, but it's the moments when you do that matter. I miss your face and I love what you said about lipstick. Totally relate to that.